Address
Handphone: XXXX-XXXX
Email ID
21st
September 2012
Recruitment Manager
Credit Suisse,
1 Raffles Place
Singapore - 04816
Credit
Suisse Summer Internship Application
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am an
undergraduate student studying computer engineering in the National University
of Singapore (NUS) and am extremely keen on interning at Credit Suisse as an Operations/Information
Technology Analyst for the summer internship programme.
I believe that my
strong background in C,C++,C#,.NET and Java provide me with a good base to
quickly understand and adapt to the systems specific to Credit Suisse. My
ability to analyze situations and learn swiftly would enable me to add value to
my position. I have spent this summer working in the Tax and Regulatory
Services department of Ernst and Young Private Limited (EYPL) India. I built an
application in C# to tabulate and reconcile tax returns from different
countries for expatriate clients. This automated a tedious task of preparing
matching sheets based on individual treaty agreements increasing net
productivity.
I am pursuing my
undergraduate education at NUS on a full scholarship offered to me by Singapore
Airlines and Neptune Orient Line (SIA-NOL). The highly selective SIA-NOL is
awarded to individuals with extraordinary academic and extra-curricular
achievements. This desire for excellence would drive me to exceed expectations
at my workplace and give my best.
I believe that
creativity is essential for efficient problem solving. I have trained in
classical piano for the last ten years and hold a Grade 5 certificate from the
Associated Boards of the Royal School of Music (ABRSM). Music has honed my
discipline and structured thinking. I have an interest in learning about the
world of business and recently started participating in business plan
competitions. I spearheaded a team of three and our startup idea qualified the
quarter finals of the Ideas Inc. 2012 competition. . This willingness to learn
new things and grow will allow me to add value to my position and improve my
performance constantly I have also been selected for the School of
Computing(SoC) Leadership programme to hone my skills as a student leader.
My academic
records, varied interests, team-spirit and passion for my subject of computer
engineering would allow me to contribute to Credit Suisse. I would be grateful
if my application is considered and I can work as a summer intern at Credit
Suisse. Looking forward to your reply,
Yours Sincerely,
Rohit Mukherjee
PS : Edited post based on your comments
Hi Rohit,
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your cover letter, I believe that you have successfully branded yourself to the jobs that you are applying for. At the most basic level, you know where your strength and experience lies and how will it contribute to the company you are applying for. Your example of internship in India is absolutely brilliant since it really shows that you are not only there as just another one coffee-filling interns, but somebody who contributes and cause changes to the company – in the positive way.
You also successfully show that you seriously pursue your interest in the field of business with action namely joining the competition. This will show the world that you are not just another computer engineering student who has little clue about the outside world. You are somebody who is brilliant enough to ensure his skills and talents can be directed towards real world application.
One field that you may wish to expand on is your par ton “creativity”. Classical piano playing is a great skill to possess and musically oriented people unquestionably tend to be very creative. However, how does this creativity really applicable in the business world? Creativity in music does not necessarily transferrable to the business world considering many talented musicians die penniless and many people who absolutely has no musical talent makes it big in music world by means of marketing.
Overall it is a great cover letter and you have successfully shown yourself as passionate and talented individuals.
Best Regards,
Eric Linardy
Hello Rohit,
ReplyDeleteYou have great experiences and qualities to back you up for this job application and I thought that you have developed them well to show your suitability for the position.
There is this part of the introduction that I feel might sound smoother if you were to change the order of the sentence: “I am extremely keen on interning in the information technology division of Credit Suisse Singapore in the coming summer. I was informed of this opportunity through a career talk at the NUS business school”. --> “I was informed of this opportunity through a career talk at the NUS business school and am extremely keen on interning in the information technology division of Credit Suisse Singapore in the coming summer.”
Tell them where you got to know of this job offer before showing your interest.
In your 3rd paragraph, I think you were trying to explain your positive attitude in striving for excellence by attaining exemplary results, which is evident in the full scholarship offered by SIA-NOL. I thought the argument sounded a bit weak.
Lastly, using music as an argument to show your creativity might not be a very strong argument. Since you are educated in Computer Engineering, you could point out that, “During my course of study, I was taught to think out of the box and my creativity is continously challenged to write programs that work. Not only am I creative, my solutions are also practical, which allows me to bring forth ideas that are not only innovative but workable as well.
Hope this helps!
Shiying
Thank you Shi Ying, I was actually quite sure that those portions could be improved :) Thank you for pointing it out. I will implement the suggested changes
ReplyDeleteHey Rohit,
ReplyDeleteI like the second paragraph where you clearly exhibit your strength in the various computing languages and relate it to the position you are applying for. I think you managed to blend your past working experience well and it managed to convince me of your technical ability.
I am also impressed at your inclination to music and the acknowledgement of your interest in business. This is particularly useful since you are applying to a a bank.
Although this is a good piece of work, there are still rooms for improvement. Firstly, you can consider removing the word "extremely" because it may make you look desperate. In my view, we should not look so "desperate" for a job as this will reduce our credibility. I think there is a fine line between being enthusiastic and desperate. Perhaps using the word "very" is appropriate.
Secondly as what Shiying said, the 3rd paragraph needs more details. I understand you are trying to convey the message that you are a capable person but I think you need to be more explicit.
Feel free to contact should you need clarification on my comments.
Hi Rohit,
ReplyDeleteI was impressed by your passion and dedication reflected in this cover letter. You used strong, effective works to prove your strengths and indicate your enthusiasm toward the internship position. You were successful in impressing the reader that you were very different from other applicants, you were the most suitable one for the position. You did a good job in linking your abilities, including your personal interests, to the job requirement. If I didn't know you are in year 2, I would think you are a final year student who had many experiences in writing a cover letter.
Here are some things I noticed:
-- You may want to include your handphone number for immediate contact
-- You may mention your year of study
-- At the the end of the letter, you may include a thank-you to the application reviewer
Cheers,
Thao
Thank you Thao, will be editing post with all changes made
ReplyDeleteHi, Rohit.
ReplyDeleteJust want to say through the semester I have seen allot of development in you as a person and how you express your self and this letter shows that actually. In the way you write - its so simple but at the same time so professional. You have quite allot of experience, didn't understand half of it, and you use it well. Only thing i can point out is last part with music, maybe you should change it to the suggestion Shiying came with, since that didn't actually belong there since you are an engineer.
I also like that you show that you have a interest in business, today its always good to have to diplomas or experience in several fields. And I think business - engineering is one of the best combinations. Maybe you should try out also more business courses. I can actually imagine you inside that area.